Seriously, it would be easier to just stay in bed, right?
I was told in 1999 that I had a degenerative condition that (truthfully) I am in denial about. I like to think I am just sailing a ship on the Nile, anyway. And quite frankly, it is the reason I have been so well, that is, until 2016.
That year, after the death of my mother in which I’d taken care of for the past ten years, I was told I needed back surgery and my husband was offered a job half way across the United States.
So welcome to a whole new life, grieving a loss of a parent, while recovering from back surgery. Plus, I began to see that most of my tricks to stay healthy, unstressed, useful and unaware of myself did not work. This time, I can’t hide the condition anymore.
Many friends and family would say, it’s about time, yet I am in a place of growth. I was forced to think of self, and to pay attention to all the ailments that I now experience more than I ever did before. Even, writing this now, I think, I am fine….and I can get better. But, I have always known, it is real, it slows me down and it is incurable.
I found several Facebook groups and doctors to assist with what was new territory for me. Now that I had to focus on me, I found only talk of disease rather than how to be inside joy, happiness and health. I even wondered if this blog should be on the condition, yet there are so many that already discuss it and also, I have had enough.
There are other ways to get my engine chugging.
Disease=DIS EASE…I don’t want to be that. I want to be at ease. For example, when I was coming back from my walk with Master Jujubi, my neighbor met us in the hallway. JuJubi never jumps but for some reason, when the neighbor reached down to pet her, she decided to jump up as if to play. The neighbor replied, “Don’t jump on me, I might fall”. But, I was thinking about earlier.
Just 30 minutes before, the first thing JuJu did, was run toward the leaves in joy and as a result the leash I held pulled me. Like a sling shot, I fell sideways off the scooter in the middle of the driveway. I laughed out loud, because of the joy Jujubi had for walks and leaves. She is in the moment of happiness, as I try to be. I slowly and safely got up and never thought about it until later.
I truly, have always been and find now that I must continue to be in my own world most of the time. It has proven the reason for my happiness. The past two years since moving and not working has truly confirmed to always trust one’s gut in health and happiness. As my good friend says, focus on what you can do not what you can’t. There is no room for can’t.
Attitude is Everything.
Besides, I am too busy sailing in my ship up the Nile.