This video made me smile. It was taken in a village in India in which this dog comes every week to sing in the temple with fellow devotees. We are all the same, just might speak in different languages.
Wow this week I need to run wild through the ocean waves while howling like a wolf.
My belief is, to have a healthy interaction, everyone must be able to speak and be responsible for only one’s self.
Questions like, “Do you need help? Can I help you?” shows awareness and empathy for another.
We need more of this!
But what do you do when questions are offered and the other person has not asked for anything?
I have been hearing this question often from strangers. As an individual who has recently been using an assistive device to get around in this crazy world of ours, I need to give a perspective from a squiggly or someone who is challenged.
We all may have difficulty asking for help. Yet, when one has not asked, if someone offers it, it can make one feel not part of the tribe known as human.
Try to not ask unless there is a clear situation in which the person needs it. Example, I was coming home on the metro rail. I ride an electric scooter and as I was trying to get into the car, the ledge for entry was not high enough and I got stuck. A gentleman jumped up and helped me into the car safely before the doors closed. Compare that to, I was coming out of the elevator to wait for the next train. An individual walked over and asked if I was going up to the street? As a courtesy, I said “no, but if you are asking how to get up to the street, you can look at the posted signs.”
Her response was, “No, it was for you. You looked like you needed help.”
Huh? I never asked you for help? What if she said, “Do you need help getting up to the street?”
Then, I could have said, “No, thank you. Or “Yes, “please help me with…”
Treat everyone with respect. Ask questions.
Let the other person in the interaction be responsible for their part.
Do not make judgements.
There are many things that make us unique. If you do not communicate by asking questions, like offering help when someone has not asked, it can be perceived as placing yourself above the other person. But if you ask questions, everyone is honored. It is pure communication.
We all are navigating our own lanes. I do not have time to navigate my lane and respond to your concern if I have not indicated or shown a need for help. Ask Questions.
If you disagree, I would love to hear from you.
This one I am feeling the need to do, more than usual this week. If you see yourself as a Squiggly Line and have been told you follow the beat of your own drummer, this need for setting boundaries is so important. Do you often get a crinkled brow, look of confusion and response of “ok whatever, no worries?” Or have you experienced, the most difficult one, silence.
Relationship forming takes time, it can be messy and uncomfortable but if you want a good one, be sure to be clear with communicating your needs and always BE YOU.
Even if you are not a Squiggly Line, the idea of a boundary is letting another know your needs and voicing your own comfort level.
Example: a love interest asks you on a date. The date is in another city and thus you will have to spend the night to attend the date. You have no money and you are recovering from another relationship. Or you are asked to attend an event and getting calls from friends encouraging that you come. Yet, you are drained from work, family and life.
You know in your gut, going on this date will make you uncomfortable, even though you really want it…and if you do not recover your sleep and general well-being, attending an event will just drain you more.
So what is your boundary?
Setting and telling your clear needs by communicating as soon as able. Use words “I need …” and as mentioned in an earlier post, it is ok to say “let me get back to you.”
Done, you have set your boundary. And it clearly honors your needs. You will know this in your gut.
In addition, if you have “challenges” with good days and bad days based on health, boundaries are essential. For me, the biggest boundary I need is a feeling of honor in a relationship. I need one to show up, communicate. This shows me you have an interest in the relationship.
I must plan all activities, be able to dictate my own flow and if I clearly express a need and ask for a response….I need one to be real.
Shit happens, of course, but if it does, just communicate.
Let me be in the conversation, so if things happen I can feel honored and plan around it. I do not want to chase you for a response or worse have you show up after I chased you, just to make me happy. Since I need a relationship of honor how is this honoring you? Are you sacrificing your needs just to fulfill a commitment?
This week, I have felt dishonored. I asked for help and when I followed up I was told, “I forgot, I was ill, no worries I will be there.” Also, I had a person plan a visit and show up hours later than planned for without telling me the reason for being late. I asked to reschedule and when they came, they said, “we ran behind, we had other commitments, but we are here now.”
Honestly, I had other commitments too, I wasted my whole day waiting. So yeah, in their mind, they helped and showed up. Yet, it could be interpreted as ”yes, we had a commitment but it will happen on my schedule not yours because I am the one giving, so you need to be flexible. Relax.”
Hence, I feel not honored, not heard, you are not being real. But I did not clearly communicate.
People cannot read minds, so all you can be responsible for is communicating your needs. If someone does something that makes you feel bad, one must not allow this behavior to continue in building the relationship. Mainly, we all want to be honored in our requests.
In many cases, it is just miscommunication.
So just take note, never apologize to make it….more comfortable, and then try and ask again.
But if another opportunity arises involving the one you got a bad feeling about, make sure your needs are clearly communicated. “I need…..”
Of course, if after you set the boundary and it is not met, you feel uncomfortable and not honored in the relationship, you will know now, what to expect.
It is important, regardless to say thank you.
Recognize the behavior and move on. Never compromise on your boundaries. If it is honored, then you feel good and all will be in balance.
If not, then move on, no looking back, no self-questioning, it is not you.
“You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” – Olin Miller
I read a version of this quote over thirty years ago. There was a part that followed that I struggle to find the exact words now, but recall as, “Knowing this will be disheartening at first, but then, will give one tremendous freedom.”
In some cases, some are too busy just surviving, truly.
In a world that currently is reeling with an impeachment trial in the U.S.A., another attempt at peace policies in the Middle East, recovering from the fires in Australia, the contra virus in China, the earthquake off of Cuba, family, kids, work…it can be overwhelming. In an age that has shifted to social media for interaction, connection and community, I thought this week could be a reminder of how important finding the center, can be for us all.
Take time to listen to your gut in every decision. Be confident to put up a hand if asked for something and say, “Let me think about it” or “No, thank you,” if appropriate.
We all get one life. You must use that time on things you know define your true self or center.
Take a deep breath, listen to your voice and let it tell you the answer. That answer is coming from your unique Center.
Plus, go outside, meet a friend and turn off your phone.
I will admit writing this post was a tough one today. At the right there is a button which reads “Find Your Buddy.”
If you click it will take you to a site which I have supported for over twenty years. It is the only place to go when I hear someone say, “I want to get a dog, cat, etc. or I need to find a home for my pet. This organization is connected to all the rescues and they help people find pets/place pets in new homes.
Let’s stop breeding animals to be our pets. There are too many pets awaiting homes. Not to mention all the animals euthanized due to lack of room and resources. Just like all the excess we have now, why are we producing more? Why not just use what we have already? Do you really need shiny and new?
One of these organizations, I found my Toby in 2001. He proved to be the best dog anyone could ask for. On the other hand JuJubi I was given from a neighbor.
I lost her just about four weeks ago.
She was a troubled dog. Troubled in the sense she never recovered from her previous trauma. She was never able to depend on anyone and thus she was hard to train. She lived to not be a problem in any way to us, for fear she would be given away again. She was really just surviving for these past ten years.
Given we had her since 2010, with the support of having another dog to train her and a loving home, she still did not fully recover. She never trusted anyone, but she did best she could with me, this last five years. Given she died so fast, and we found no reason for her not eating, no matter how crazy it may sound, she died from a broken heart. Toby passed in 2017 and every time we went for a vacation etc., we spend months building back her trust. Then, after going on a trip at thanksgiving, when we returned she gave up. Given her history, she did not want to be here. She wanted to be with her Toby. He was truly someone who never abandoned her, he was her top pack member. We humans try but never meet the mark.
This organization helps place dogs who are abandoned and they are people who are lovers of animals. If my JuJubi had not just been placed with me by a neighbor just after her trauma, I do believe she could have gotten some training before I had to train her myself.
This website is a wonderful place in the interest of animals.
As a squiggly, all said and done JuJubi was my girl. I miss her tremendously. I am missing the energy of another soul to hang with. Husbands, family, some friends are all necessary, but a pet, a buddy is a whole new level of fulfilling one’s needs. Needless to say, there is a piece of my heart missing. Like losing a family member, they cannot be replaced and I heard a line that sums it up, “I will have a little pain every day, till I die.”
If you get a rescue, you have to pay for them. It is minimal compared to a breeder, so I hope you always choose a rescued pet. Visit the button ---->.
I know you will find Your Buddy, like I did.
Let’s talk about time management or soaring time. What I call, soaring like a bird into creation, soaring into dreams or soaring toward your goal.
Like me, there is always a drag on one’s time to do the things that our heart calls for. And we find we get angry, frustrated and we might resent others/things who are taking too much of our time away from it. And these feelings might be toward those that we have a legitimate responsibility toward. It is just life, many say.
If you have a need for better time management, if you can’t get going on a goal, you might not want to hear this, but it is your own fault. One of my many mentors explained that with all goals in life the only way to get time managed is to create it.
There are numerous reasons for why you might be suffering from a lack of time management. It may need deeper attention from a counselor, priest, or just a good venting session with a friend to clear the cob webs, and then begin again.
Yet, as a starting point one must create the environment to begin and allow the habit to form. Dinner, dishes, work, groceries or making lunches for family have become a habit in your life… why can’t a goal replace and squeeze into that time somehow?
You can decide this, believe me. Let go of perfection and ask for others to pick up the pieces.
Here is a starting point.
Give yourself time to think about it, check your other obligations against it and wait for the feeling – the soul must say “yes, this is what I want to do.”
Recently, I was asked to volunteer my time. I was getting calls and text daily to commit myself.
All I was thinking…I have no time. I want to do it but how?
I did not want to distract myself from my top priorities, plus, I was not so sure the work I would be doing would lead toward a message I wanted to align myself with.
So I waited… and I am glad to say moving forward my heart is 100% in the cause now. I scheduled the volunteering, it does not conflict with what my priorities are and I feel good.
I feel confident, because I defined my time.
As a squiggly, a top priority is to dream, hence soaring time. I have to do this, just like eating, to generate new creative ideas.
This is a deserved time. Who else but you can make this time to complete your goal?
Most important, if you don’t do it as planned, don’t stop, just bend. Be kind to yourself. If it did not work one day, just begin again the next day!
This week, I am taking a detour. Given the devastation of fires in our world in recent years, medical research, the food industry and how we see pets, I would like to add my voice to the many regarding animals. My writing is about all life, the effects of a changing climate and educating our perceptions that any living species on this planet is just another expression of all that is our world. For the business mind, I challenge you to shift your perceptions for a sustainable future of your products. Everything is finite, unless the perception changes.
These expressions must be honored and they are more important than we know. We cannot continue to see life other than human as expendable due to being inconvenient or for financial and emotional gains. Have you seen animals used as property or a means to our own fulfillment? Sound familiar?
Our treatment of animals must evolve, as it has with many of the mistakes toward humans of the past. Just like all the times we have evolved in history to be better, we must try, always.
Highlighted in this video are the current fires in Australia. Billions of animals have been affected.
It is the dryness of the landscape that has affected this, so are we going to try and be better?
We need a new relationship with all life and make choices that will support this better relationship.
So we got through the holidays...again. Every year, I love the cards, all the lights and seeing “some” loved ones, yet I struggle with the money, getting presents and the status conscience-commerce aspects.
I know I am not alone.
I always get depressed at Christmas. It just seems mostly in-authentic.
I hate an expectation.
I find myself thinking, “oh shit, I gotta buy what…and go where, before the 24th?
Now don’t get me wrong. It is a time to cherish those you love. If you feel that gift in your heart and you got the money… get it, send it and give, give give.
If you love writing those cards, all the better!
For me, I find I just shut down. Every year, I am later and later with sending gifts, sending cards, doing anything. Those I see as straight lines, I feel a vibe of…
-Sigh. Pat on the head. Take care of yourself, dear. It will be ok.-
Like some day, I will get on the program. Or they offer silence.
This year is especially tough. I lost a family member. My dog, Jujubi, aka ceecee. The funny thing is, I realize. She was the last in a line of those I want to focus my energy on, buddies.
In 2014, I lost my buddy mother, in 2017 my dog Toby (ceecee’s husband), now in 2019, her.
Don’t even mention, the loss of our heroes from the year 2016 till now. You see, I have the belief that, like all those I admire, have admired, unless you are giving to others, what's the point?
I would lose a buddy, but I had another and I would focus on them.
And I did, each time. It helped me through my grief.
I have gotten to a place (another post) which I cannot give physically as before. I must have boundaries to be healthy.
And I got this, I am stronger than most. I am a squiggly…I bend.
To honor my squiggly self, I am declaring December 25 = Wish-mas, from now on.
A day where you make a wish…then the rest of the year if someone loves you, they make that wish happen and vice versa.
If you have eleven wishes, more time to find a way to fulfill.
Or they can carry over. :)
I wish in 2020 that we elect a leader who shifts the world toward a clean fuel future.
What are you going to wish and make happen in the next year?
So I was sitting with a new friend over Christmas.
In the conversation about getting to know each other, she suggested, given my background, I might write to provide a voice of the importance in being uniquely you, always.
So, we begin.
I will post every Thursday.
What will be your unique Squiggly Song?
I write, which is my unique Squiggly Song.
I call myself a Squiggly Line, in a world of Straight Lines.
See you Thursdays!
Love to write, laugh, be weird, but hate to cook and be an expectation.